Hi anon! Can i just say that reading this message was super odd for me? when I was 8 or 9, I had a TERRIBLE phobia of thunderstorms! If one was predicted for while i was at school I’d fake sick so that my mom would take me home.
Anyway, it sounds like your initial thunderstorm anxiety attack was a result of the storm itself, and now you have an associative anxiety, yeah? The way to un-learn this anxiety is exposure therapy, so luckily for you thunderstorms happen whether you’re ready or not (yayyyy hahaha not).
For a first step, try listening to this website while you feel most at ease, when the weather is calm and you have people at home you feel safe with. It’s a loop of rain sounds with occasional, soft, distant thunder sounds. It’s designed to help you relax, actually! so listen to this, perhaps while you’re doing something like drawing or something with your hands, until the sounds no longer bother you. Then you can try videos of more severe storms, with visuals of lightning, etc. until you no longer feel anxiety from those! do you get where i’m going here?
If i’m totally wrong and it’s something else specifically about thunderstorms that triggers your anxiety, please let me know so i can give you different advice! for instance, you’re more frightened of an electricity outage than the storm itself, etc.
I hope this helps!!
ps., you don’t have to live without treatment of mental illness. Take the first steps to getting treatment, talk to your parents, teachers, insurance, etc, and get yourself better, because you don’t deserve to live with it!